Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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