Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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