i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
