If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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