Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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