I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
