Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Houston, we have a squirter
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
