Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
