my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
