end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So much Jack, so little girl.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
