i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
