So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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