her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
