We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So vagazzling was a success
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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