we have pet lesbian snakes
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
