Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
