omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
