i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
