i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize