Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
