Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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