It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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