i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
