Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
