I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
