Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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