that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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