This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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