So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i drank out of a bidet.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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