Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
