At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
