pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
