Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
