I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
