So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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