I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
