i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
