it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just invented taco cereal.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
