i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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