Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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