So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
