I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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