The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
