i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
