I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
