Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.

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(571): View more from Virginia

I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.

Fav 48 5510 1992
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day

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(410): View more from Maryland

So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?

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(704): View more from North Carolina

To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.

(704): View more from North Carolina

Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!

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(813): View more from Florida

I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly

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