She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
