I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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