You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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