How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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