Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
